Cancer did not change my personality, but the trauma of the experience certainly left its mark.  On one hand, our lives have returned to normal.  I am back to doing all of those things I longed for when I was undergoing treatment…and I have energy for it all.

As I write, I am on a plane with Gabe, Abby, Will, our niece Ashley, and my parents.  We are traveling home from a dream trip where we visited San Francisco, Hong Kong, Korea, Japan, and New York.  This is the trip we’d anticipated for a year, and then had to cancel a few weeks  before leaving due to my diagnosis.  I calculated that by the time we greet 2020, I will have spent about 3 months of 2019 traveling.  That sounds like a nightmare to some, I know, but it speaks of life returning to normal for us.  We love to travel near and far!

On the other hand, there are bouts of wrestling with fear that were not present before cancer.  Some have been irrational: life returned to “normal” so easily; will it always be this way?  On some days, I feel afraid of what is around the next bend in the road.

Other fears are related to a symptom.  In mid-June, my left arm began tingling.  After a week, I notified my radiation oncologist.  Immediately, he called me in for an exam and then ordered an MRI to rule out the possibility of a tumor causing the symptoms.  I wrestled with fear and dread intensely those ten days.  All was normal on the MRI.  Praise God.

I was then referred to a neurologist.  My physical exam was “non-impressive”.  My EMG results were normal.  She seemed unconcerned.  I thought I was at the end of the road.  Then, a Monday morning phone call made my heart drop: “Mrs. Chong, this is Duke Radiology.  I’m calling to schedule the brain and spinal MRIs that your neurologist ordered.”  Fear lay ready to pounce.  When it comes to cancer, surprises like those can fill your heart with foreboding.

I was driving.  Ten minutes away from an appointment.  I remember praying, “God, I’ve spent so much energy wrestling fear these past few weeks.  This time, I want to trust.  Will you help me?”

I know the results may not always be the ones I want to hear.  I am not trusting that I will live as long as I would like to or that I will never have cancer again.  I am choosing to trust that regardless of the outcomes life brings, God is faithful, loving and here with us.  Therefore, we have nothing to fear.

God answered that day in such a precious and tangible way.  Ten minutes later at my appointment, I met a young man who has a rare passion and enthusiasm for his work.  He is in the home health industry and approaches each client with a true servant’s heart.  As we continued to talk, my dad asked out-of-blue about this young man’s tattoo.  He shared about a difficult season in his life and how he had learned to take “one day at a time”.  Instantly, God reminded me of the truth that dropped so deeply into my heart during the year I was in treatment.

Matthew 6:34 NIV

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I love how the Message paraphrases this same verse:

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

During a season when looking too far down the road resulted in emotional overload, I learned the wisdom of God’s tender instruction in Matthew 6.  Live one day at a time.  Enjoy today and celebrate its joys.  Handle today’s challenges only.  And leave tomorrow’s challenges in the future.  Life is simply more manageable and much more enjoyable this way.