Thank you for continuing to pray for us!  Life is rolling along, and it is good.  I’ve wanted to write more frequently, and yet, I’m doing my best not to put too much pressure on myself.  Just to live, enjoy, and to handle the things that must get done each day.

My scans at the end of January were all clean!  Praise God.  Truly, an equally big miracle to me was that I wrestled with very little fear during that week of scans, waiting for results, etc.  Last September as I was finishing the bulk of my treatments, I thought fear would be a semi-permanent resident for quite some time.  It was a miracle to me that my heart was calm during the scans and while waiting for results.  I’m certainly human: when I was sitting with my oncologist, and he was silently and thoughtfully reading over my scan results, I literally held my breath.  Talk about tense.

Experiencing that peace was evidence of the work God has done in my heart this year.  A year ago, the cancer diagnosis (and the ensuing fear of dying young and leaving my family) made my blood run cold.  And it is still the opposite of what I want!  I told my Uncle Jay today that I pray often for 61 more years for me and Gabe.  Seventy sweet years of marriage is what I want; not ten.  Ninety-nine years of living, enjoying these beautiful children, watching as our extended family grows and changes.  That’s what I want.

But as I tell our children often, “we don’t always get what we want.”  This year, God has grown my trust in His love, His plans, and His wisdom tremendously.  I pray with my whole being that I’ll get to be the one to raise these four beautiful children.  I also truly believe that God can make beauty from ashes, and has good plans for my husband, myself, and our children.  I never could have imagined the good God brought from such a serious cancer diagnosis.  God grew my relationship with Himself, our marriage, my parenting, the way I prioritize, my perspective toward life and eternity.  For any one of these, I would journey through 2018 again.

I wonder if it’s easier to have this perspective because I am doing so well, and have such hope that I will survive this bout with cancer.  Perhaps.  If I was battling cancer, and the outcome was quite grim, would I still feel this way?  Have this strong confidence in God’s love, His goodness, and His plans?  Oh, I pray that I would.  I also pray that cancer is an enemy I’ll never face again.  That this is one hypothetical I will not know the answer to first-hand.  One thing I know: there is truth regardless of how I feel.  God IS love.  He IS good. And His plans can always be trusted.

I began an oral chemo pill in March that I will take for a year.  It is called Nerlynx, and was FDA approved recently (within the last few years).  My oncologist discussed the side-effects, as well as the fact that the patients who did the best in studies of the drug were “estrogen positive” patients.  My cancer was estrogen negative.  So it may not be as effective for me as it is for other patients.  I think that’s why my oncologist seemed “on the fence” about me taking the drug: he was not sure the hopeful benefit outweighed the side-effects that I’ll experience during the year I’m on Nerlynx.

It was still really important to me to take Nerlynx.  Truly, to do ANYTHING I can in this fight against cancer.  I do not mind the side effects.  I think it is one way I am practically demonstrating my love for Gabe and our kids – I’ve done everything I know to do.  Treatment-wise as well as changing our lifestyle / diet where needed.  Now, I can have a quiet confidence as I move forward in life.

And what a sweet life it is!  This picture is from earlier today.  Abby and Will earned treats from our treasure box today (happens once every week or two).  They both chose water guns and were testing them out.  As cute as the picture is from the back, I wish I could have been one of our neighbors walking by.  I wondered what they were thinking of Nate in his “big-boy underwear” as he potty trains, or the cluster of kids in the open doorway squealing with delight…until all broke into a little fight that Mama got to mediate.  Thank you, God, for such a sweet life.