As much as I dreaded it, we had to tell the kids something eventually!  We were supposed to take a family trip to Hong Kong on Feb 3^rd to visit Gabe’s dear Uncles and Aunties and to celebrate Chinese New Year with them (a holiday neither Gabe nor I have had the privilege to celebrate in Hong Kong yet).  Gabe’s mom and both of my parents were also coming.  We’d invited our precious 13 year old niece Ashley to travel with us, baby Kai was coming since he would still be nursing, and it was the first “big trip” we would take our oldest daughter Abby on.  Of course, we were excited.   But Abby was not only excited: she was counting down.  We’d made a calendar with every day in January, and each morning, she would faithfully check off the day.  She talked of little else, and felt so grown up that she got to go with Mommy and Daddy on a big trip since she was now 5.  I was heart-broken to tell her we could not go.

My friend Anne had amazing suggestions for talking to the kids.  Keep it simple, keep it positive.  One step at a time.  And with the young ages of our kids, only Abby and perhaps Will may grasp any of what is going to occur over the next year.

We planned a trip to Marbles (a kids museum) with friends of ours from church.  Over breakfast, I took a deep breath and told the kids we would not be going to Hong Kong because “the doctors found a sickness in Mommy’s body.  They have very good medicine to treat the sickness, but I have to have the medicine here in Raleigh, and not in Hong Kong, so we can’t go right now.”  And then we went to Marbles to play.

I put my phone in Gabe’s pocket as we walked in, simply so I wouldn’t lay it down.  And not intentionally, but by God’s grace, I was fully present with my kids for the few hours we were there.  Granted, normally I’ve got an infant and a toddler also in tow!  This time, Gabe and I were two-on-two with Abby and Will only.  But I realized as Abby or Will asked me to play, I had a choice to be fully present with them or not.  Many times, I’m on my phone returning a quick text, taking a picture of them, jotting a note in my calendar.

They simply wanted my attention, my focus, my praise.  On one occasion, Abby said, “Oh, Mommy, come watch me climb this ladder over here.  You’ve never seen me do that before.”  As I followed her, I was saddened.  Many times that we’ve gone to Marbles, she’s climbed that same ladder and jumped to the gymnastics pad below.  Most of the time, I’m a few feet away.  But have I ever really seen her?  Have I really watched her?  Or was I simply on my phone or managing the chaos?

You think it would be easy in the face of this news to be fully present with your little ones.  But it honestly has not been.  I’ve had a lot on my mind, a lot to process, many emotions to wrestle with.  What a precious gift God gave me that day at Marbles.  The gift of being fully present with two of my sweet little kids, and understanding how simple it is to make that choice to devote time to them.  To invest in them.  It may not come naturally, but it is so important.  And I’ve never, ever had more fun at Marbles…because this time, I was present.